Queer Poly Talk

What gave me the desire to write?

Sitting with my cis heterosexual white male partner on the couch, we do the common dance of trying to decide on a show to watch for the evening. 

My partner is a cinema buff, with a degree in writing and a big interest in theater and cinema. He appreciates a lot of genres, but definitely appreciates a good story, cinema photography, and writing. 

He loves how animated I apparently am – which I didn’t know I was until he stated he actually enjoys my reactions while we’re taking something in. Our trouble finding a movie comes in when he has primarily lived and relates to the stories out there. As he tries to share some of his favorites, he quickly realizes that I don’t feel the same for many of the things he enjoys. He looks over and often sees me cringing and critiquing, rolling my eyes, yelling at the characters on the screen, and even occasionally going on a rant and saying I’m not sure I can stomach to watch it until the end, which has happened multiple times. He’s intrigued, and is trying to figure out my taste. 

I never really analyzed why I didn’t watch much TV until now. I’ve always half-joked that I had better things to do, and, in fact, my life is usually more entertaining than the predictable stories out there. As an adult I’ve never paid for cable, and have only ever had a TV because it was a hand-me-down given to me or bought by a nesting partner. 

What these experiences with my partner has shown me is that I have a sensitivity he doesn’t. Why? 

I watch these shows and watch the played out versions of “get the girl.” In modern romance scenes, at least the women are stronger and more independent, but the overarching theme remains the same: strong male lead, perhaps an equally strong female character, if we’re lucky. Note here, they’re almost always heterosexual and monogamous in nature, which neither has been my life experience. It’s not relatable to me, and it’s been told a million times. If I’m to be entertained, I want to be surprised, and even delighted to see something other than boy meets girl. 

That only touches on the lightest of topics. Another common trope is where it’s recounted how class, race, and gender determine their fate, and how the characters fight against it, and maybe find some small victories. Yes, it’s good we have documentation of this, especially in historical pieces, but as someone living the subtle and rampant ways in which my gender, class, and sexual orientation effects me, it’s not entertaining. It cuts me and amplifies what I already know, reminding me that this is a never ending battle. Rarely do we turn on a show where the opening scene has women, especially women of color, regarded as at least equal, or more powerful than men. Only two shows currently come to mind, and that would be the movie Black Panther, and also the show Steven Universe. There may be others, but as my partner has made it a goal to find shows that actually meet my qualifications for what I consider entertaining to watch, he’s often coming up with a couple options, and not much more. 

My soul yearns to be entertained by fantasy worlds where the challenges do not come from all the wars we currently fight. Where women are varied and powerful, and gender overall is also queer and varied and not the main or determining attribute of a character and their abilities and role in the story. Stories where people prioritize a variety of connections, not just one love interest, but instead many meaningful connections that span across the familial, chosen family, platonic, romantic, and sexual. 

So why do I write? Because I’m tired of waiting for it. There are a few unconventional voices in media, but we need more. Especially women. Especially now.